My Poor, Poor Nose

Okay, as perfect as I am (snort!), I made a most grievous error this weekend. On Friday, I thought that my allergies were kicking my ass, as they are wont to do. So, I popped some Allegra stuff and felt a bit better. Until in the morning. I woke up feeling clogged, congested, and otherwise plugged up about the nose and head. Since the pill I took was supposed to be a twenty-four hour thing, I was pissed because I used the generic shit just to save a couple bucks. A few hours later, I was worse...just a bit, but enough to pop another one. Yeah, that worked. It only took me a few more hours to realize that it was not my allergies. I have a head cold. A most truly miserable one. My nose alternates between clogging up so badly that it feels swollen to the size of a tennis ball and doing this dripping thing. I'm not sure which is worse. I hate the clogged up feeling, but the dripping thing...well, it wouldn't be so bad, except it happens while I still feel plugged up, but this drop of clear fluid will just slide out of my nostril with no warning whatsoever. How rude! It's like having some leaky faucet attached to my face. Nothing will happen for hours, then suddenly...plooomp! A dribble of snot lands on my shirt. Whafuck? And blowing is not any help. My nose is so red and raw from constant wiping and blowing that the mere thought of a tissue makes it try to retract into my face. Maybe I'll get lucky and it'll only last until tomorrow. Yeah, and my teenage sons will not argue with each other the rest of the day. Right. I may as well plan on sprouting wings by morning.

Another fun thing about the raw nose...putting Vick's vapo-rub on it or violet scented hand lotion on it is not a good thing. Burn! Ohmyfuckinggod! I thought I'd dipped my face in acid! Another brillliant move on my part. I tried Vaseline. That lasted about two minutes until I had to blow my nose again. And since when did they start making tissues that fall apart in the merest breath of air? I have tried those extra strength things and the ones with lotion. Either I am honking at hurricane force or these things are not made like they used to be. And try to find cloth handkerchiefs. Of course, even if I could, I'd be broke in seconds. My washing machine would not be able to keep up, and I'd have to keep buying the damn things.

On the lighter side, a friend of mine told me that he'd do a traditional Native American healing dance for me (him being a Native American). Of course, he also told me that he is clearly out of practice, so one of two things will happen: 1) I'll get well or 2) it's gonna rain like hell in my bedroom. Can't wait to see which one. I hope it's the first, cuz I just don't feel up to mopping right now.