Manic Diatribe

Okay, I will try not to do this too often. Posting more than once a day. Honest. Just pardon the manic moment and all will survive.

What is with the idiots in government? Who decides some of this crap? I mean, seriously! My friend, Grasshopper, is due any minute. Like three days ago. She's huge, she's miserable, and she's a wee bit grumpy. All understandable. The doctor is concerned about the baby's size and keep trying to induce her. Didn't work, but that's another rant. Anyway, while in the hospital, she is filling out all the lovely paperwork that goes with the birth of a baby. She is married, but not to the baby's father. Her husband and her have been separated for nearly 4 years and he has supposedly (yeah right) filed for divorce from prison (yet another rant). According to the law, even with the filing of said divorce and the separation, the baby's real father cannot be named on the birth certificate. The most she can do is refuse to name him or refuse the State's birth record or some such stupidity, which leaves the father's name blank or by default her husband's name goes on there. Maybe it's just me, but is that psycho or what? It isn't her fault that she isn't divorced. She hasn't had the money to file and half the time hasn't known where the fuck he's at. The father is willing to sign a paternity afadavit and do whatever else, but since she's still legally married, they have no choice. Plus, it will take a court hearing aside from the divorce, to get Twitch put on the birth certificate, along with a fee of like $125. Who decides this shit? Is it pure morality that prevents lawmakers from recognizing that there are plenty of resons that a married woman may be having a baby with another man, aside from infidelity? Which is no longer illegal by the way, or a required cause for divorce. I guess the latter depends on who you talk to, but still.

Okay, that was the diatribe part. Ready for the manic part? Too bad, brace yourself!

You know all those cute little sayings and one-liners that everyone (especially me) likes to throw around? Things like, how many magnets can I stick to the front of my refridgerator before it finally tips over? Like that? Yeah. Seeing as how it's April Fool's Day, I have been pondering semi-bizarre questions about it all day. It isn't really a holiday. It's more like some strange observed tradition. It's some kind of 'day' because it is listed on most calendars, in America at least. Is there a historical reason for it? Is it religious? Do I need to worry about offending someone by NOT playing some kind of joke or prank on them today? What if I am offended by the jokes and pranks? Can I start a protest? Should I try to get April Fool's Day banned from being listed on American calendars? Conversely, what if no one plays a prank or joke on me and I am offended. Do I have any legal recourse for this lack of acknowledgement of my beliefs? And since there may be others out there who have mssed out on their participation of this 'day', is there a support group? Maybe some kind of hotline, one where you can call in to be "fooled"? There's a money making scheme. The fundraising opportunities are endless...stand-up comics and comedians, magicians, and tricksters of all kinds would line up to perform at benefits. The cash would roll in! Court jesters could come back and be gainfully employed one day each year, so long as it was a weekday. However, would they be eligible to collect unemployment the rest of the year since it would be 'seasonal' work, as such? BAck to the offending someone part. If I do not know that someone is a devout April Fooler, and I erroneously avoid pranking them, how should I rectify the situation once I am made aware of my mistake? Is a simple apology good enough? Would I be obligated to come up with some kind of prank, no matter how miniscule, on the spot in order to avoid legal ramifications? And are there certain kinds of pranks and jokes that are mainstream and acceptable? What would the symbolic representations be? I mean, there are hearts and cupids for Valentine's Day; Santa and so on for Christmas; shamrocks for St. Patrick's Day; and so on. What kind of symbol would work for today? Maybe one of those funny looking hats with all the points and bells? How about a simple, stylized number 1? If there is some historical background for this 'day', maybe some symbol from that could be used...is there a saint associated with today? A rock? A certain country or locale? Person? Book? Event?

I don't know the answers. I do know this will keep me occupied for days. I will eventually break down and look for information online, I know I will. One time, I became so enthralled with cashews and how they might look in their shells, that I finally spent all of 3 minutes online to find out (weird and not at all edible) after wondering at least once a day for over a month. Such is how my mind works during periods like this.

One last thing, I need to add/edit/whatever to my disclaimer. While names are not changed to protect innocents, names are changed to avoid the persecution/prosecution/burning at the stake/flogging/flaying/live burial of the guilty. I must admit, it's almost a shame...I am much in enamored of the living burials and burnings. As long as it isn't me.