Save Me from Teenage Angst!

Help! Rescue me! Assistance! No kidding, there ought to be some sort of class (probly is someplace) on dealing with teenagers. And not becoming depressed. I thought only girls went through the whole "I'm ugly. I'm stupid. I'm fat." thing. Wrong! Oh so wrong! Apparently teenaged boys do the same thing, only angrier, and without the tears.

I'm surrounded by testosterone and I'm sick of it. I have also recently discovered how old I am. Not just physically. Mentally. My eldest son has his first girlfriend. Yep. Became official on Saturday. He's going to her prom with her and everything. My mother says he can't, that he's only three, just big for his age, and that three-year-old aren't allowed to go to prom or have girlfriends. He's even kissed her. With tongue, or so I've been informed. Time to go on a condom run. I'm not ready to be a grandma! I'm not ready for my first born child to go to prom either, but he is.

Also, the whole teenage thing is really becoming obvious in the middle child now. He's not vocal about it, but is instead choosing the 'I'm going to hide in my room and you can't make me come out' bit. Arrgh! And he insists on combing all of his hair straight forward. Then complains that he looks funny. Oh, and difference between him and his brother? His brother has a girlfriend, he has "options". Yup. Options. I asked him if these girls knew that was how he was referring to them. He said no. Well, at least he's smart enough not to tell them that. He acted all surprised when I told him that girls generally do not like to be referred to as options and that his dating life would end abruptly if they found out. It was like I'd flown in under his radar and bombed the secret bunker.

To top it all off, my eight year old daughter is wearing those little sports bra-tank top type things. It is't really a training bra, but it isn't an undershirt either. Of course, I then had to do the math and realized that HER hormones should start overflowing in the next 3-4 years. I figure I've got about 2 before she starts the whole training bra thing. Then it'll be real bras and sanitary supplies and THE TALK and oh god, just shoot me!