Pack your bags, Matey, we're going on a guilt trip! (it's going to be a bumpy ride)

Parenthood is one life-long guilt trip if one allows it to be. Seriously. You spend a lot of time analyzing decisions you’ve made, choices, activities, and so on. Face it, no one is perfect, and whether the State of Iowa says so or not, children do not come with instruction manuals. Even when kids are 16 or 34 (according to my mother) you often wonder, after-the-fact, if you did right by doing or saying such and such. Well, you can either let it get you down, or you can realize, hopefully, what mistakes you made and move on.
That being said, do you know how hard it is to do it? Oh yeah. Kind of like forcing yourself to swallow very bitter medicine. You know it’s good for you and can only help, but that doesn’t always make the spoon get to your mouth any faster. I’ve been a mother for over 16 years. I have three children: each of them intelligent, beautiful, and decent. I also have three children with attitudes, personal issues, and medical issues who can turn into monsters at the drop of a hat. What parent doesn’t? But, just because I’ve been a parent for 16 years, doesn’t mean I have all the answers. I’ve never had a teenager before. Even with my younger children, while I have had a 14 year old and an 8 year old before, each child is different, and that makes parenting slightly different for each one. I recognize that, but then comes the question of: is that fair? Is it fair to the oldest one that he’s the one that gets the parenting mistakes? Is it fair to the younger two that sometimes what the older one has done comes back to haunt them? Arrrgh! I know I signed up for this when I got pregnant and decided to have a child and be a mom. I just don’t remember ever learning about this in any class or from any of my friends or family.
Okay, that trip’s over for now. On to the next one. Do I have the right to still be upset with my recycled hubby’s behavior from when we were married before? That may sound strange and pretty cut and dry, but it isn’t. At least I don’t think it is. I know he’s changed, matured, grown up. We both have. But, there are little things that haven’t changed, and frankly, some of them aren’t so little right now. Still, considering the situation with us, his son here, his sons in MN, and all, do I really have the right to bitch? My middle child is so messed up from my past choices, not having King Rat around for so long, and with the crap with his brother, I’m not sure now is the time to bring anything up to rock his boat any more. But if I don’t, nothing will change, nothing will resolve itself, and no one ends up happy. Including him. Grr!
Okay. I’m done. If I keep this up, it’ll turn into a week long thing. And no one wants that. Especially me.