Eating Crackers In Bed

Today, in the car, my eldest son and I are discussing who's considered "hot" and such. Some friend of his (female) thinks that Criss Angel mindfreak is hot. I don't much think so, but I've also seen worse. Of course, I am of the opinion that Sean Connery is simply delicious, so I'm probably out of date for his age group. At any rate, he questioned the whole idea behind "so and so can eat crackers in my bed any time" statement. Not so much the obvious sexual tension behind it, but where and why this came to mean that someone is sexually attractive. Which, of course, set my semi-manic mind to working.

Why is that statement, which is not just one tossed around by me and my friends (been around for years), used for that particular purpose? As my son pointed out, the person making the remark does not really want "so and so" to eat crackers in said bed. What they really want is some sort of sexual contact and interaction. In the above reference to Sean Connery, it wouldn't happen. Not simply because it's a fantasy or I'll never have the opportunity, but because I'd never make it -- two words out of his mouth and I'd just be this moaning puddle on the floor. Sad really. But I digress (as usual). So, since this statement has been around for quite sometime (though maybe no longer in vogue), not only do I question why it's used, but when did it start? Seriously. I'm certain it's some sort of archaic (to my teens) slang terminology, but who started it, when, and why? There has to be some story behind it, and I want to know.

Great. Now I'm obsessed with it. My recycled in-laws are coming to visit tomorrow. Which normally wouldn't be a bad thing, but little do you all know! My recycled hubby's father, shortly after our first marriage, came to our first apartment to have dinner with us. At this time, I could barely boil water. So, I'm nervous. Skip ahead to the meal. As we're eating, he asks me when I'm having another one (meaning a baby, my eldest was 3 months old then). I said, in essence, 'not too fucking soon'. At which point, he turns to my hubby and says, "What's wrong with you? Don't you know you're supposed to keep them barefoot and pregnant?" And all King Rat had to say was, "I'm working, Dad, I can at least afford to buy her shoes." Oh man. Talk about a strained afternoon and evening! I still haven't forgiven him for that. So, that's part of my stress on the visit. That, plus not having seen the man in over a decade, plus the fact I'm not at all sure that Rat has informed his rather chauvinistic father that I am no longer capable of breeding. Oh yeah. This should be interesting.

I have about a thousand pages to read, two papers to write, a ton of laundry to do, three children to tranq into submission, in-laws coming for the day (to grill out no less), and now an obsession with finding out the origins of some very strangely sexually charged slang phrase that makes me dream of Sean Connery, Sawyer, Charlie, Heath Ledger, and Harrison Ford. Okay, so there's a few more, but they're the main ones. Arrrgh! Why me? Huh, why me?

All righty then! I'm off to do a brief internet search for the origins of allowing someone to eat crackers in my bed. Goddess knows, I won't be able to concentrate on my schoolwork or housework until I find out. Okay so that's just an excuse to procrastinate. I don't care. It sounds good enough to me.