Leave it to me to have the strangest things going on. My mother is cleaning out her closets, getting ready for a garage sale. Apparently, she doesn't hang her clothes on hangers. Nope, she told me she hangs things on hammers. It was just a slip of the tongue, but still. A few days later, I'm talking to Grasshopper and tell her about returning our popcorns for money. I'd meant to say popcans, but it didn't come out right. Weird. And funny.
Now, my husband has been dizzier than hell the last few days. Literally dizzy, not just silly dizzy. So, after two days of missed work, off to the doctor's we go this morning. It turns out he has an inner ear infection, which is causing him to have "acute labrynthitis". He looked at me and said, "great. I've got the queer David Bowie in my ear." Now, King Rat is not homophobic, but he is a smart ass. I don't know. I thought of The Labrynth too, but in a different way. I told him we'd have to tell the kids they had watched it a few too many times in Rat's presence and now he had a disorder caused by seeing it too often. Our oldest is the only one who got it...either of them.
Another thing, I've done some analyzation and so on over the past few days, and come to realize that I worked my fat ass off for the past five years reading and writing mountains of papers, earning a Bachelor's Degree in English for no reason. I'm the first person in my family to attend college much less earn a degree of any sort, and it's doing me dick shit. See, I live in the middle of nowhere. Yes, I am close to Iowa City, but that isn't always a good thing. IC has the highest number of graduate level educated people in the state, and something like 6th in the nation. It sucketh. So, here I am, recently graduated, in need of employment and stuck trying to figure out where I'm going to land a job that pays about $11.50 an hour so that we can make it. Yeah. Right. And the war on drugs and the war on terrorism are working.
Grr. Snarl. Hiss. And, Growl. I need a vacation from reality. Wonder if I can OD on cheesecake? I think I'm going to go try...as soon as I gather up all the popcorns to take back to the store, hang up all the clothes that need to be on hammers in the closets, and make an appointment at the looney barn for evaluation of an impending cheesecake addiction.
Penguins from Mary Poppins
Image by Disney
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Monday, June 26, 2006
Decisions, Decisions
In this life, there are always a number of decisions to make. Therefore, I took the time to think thins through and make several decisions all at once. I figure it might save me some time and energy. So, here are a few examples for ya.
1) I've decided to become the 1950's wife/mother figure everyone in my house seems to believe I should be anyway. In doing so, I have chosen to increase my stress level, lower my standards, and go against all my natural inclinations. I'm sure this news will make Wendy very happy, since she has a strong theory on this type of topic.
2) I have also decided to swear. Now, this does not seem like a monumental decision, but since I do have children, it must have impact. Yes, I have chosen to swear. I rather like cussing. Not because it's immoral, forbidden, or impolite, but because I enjoy it. If I'm going to do #1, I might as well be able to get some things for myself. Besides, there are many occasions where a simple slang term will not suffice, and only a swear word will express truly the emotion of the moment...and (thanks, George Carlin!) you can't fool me, shoot is just shit with two o's.
3) I've decided to not decorate my house any more than it already is. This does not include holidays, because those are exceptions to most of my rules. But, my house is entirely too cluttered as it is, and adding more stuff for me to wash, dust, or worry about getting broken is simply not worth the time or money. Besides...
4) I've decided to continue to be as lazy as I can whenever possible. I hate housekeeping. Some chores are worse than others. I think everyone has certain chores they hate. Grasshopper hates washing silverware. So do I. We both hate mating socks. I'd rather clean a toilet after two months of non-cleaning when the toilet has been used by only men who never flush than to do wash dishes or dust. Also, (thanks Roseanne!) when Hoover invents a rider, that's when my house will get vacuumed regularly. With this decision comes the need to create shortcuts and cheats in all housework or other chores. Such as hiding dirty dishes in the oven right before my mother or a neighbor stops in for a quick visit.
5) I've also decided to research earwigs. I know they are some sort of insect. I believe my house is infested with them. Since I'm not sure exactly what they look like, I need to find pictures. I also need to figure out how to get rid of the little suckers. I'm certain one stung or bit my ass two nights ago in my own bed. If not an earwig, some sort of long critter with many legs resembling a centipede (mini sized) and equipped with two pincers did it. Whatever it was, there are several of its relatives living in my home and I have decided they need to die or leave. I prefer die.
6) I've decided that in my next life, I want to be a cat. I can sleep 16 hours a day, wait for people to provide food and water for me, seek out attention when and only when I desire it, and I never have to clean my own bathroom. Not to mention, no one would blink an eye when I took a shit in public and dug in the dirt to cover it up. I'd be able to do good deeds for my people, such as hunting down rodentia in the home and bringing them little treats like birds or snakes to show my appreciation for all they do to take care of me. The ability to purr is an added bonus.
7) I've decided to give up on the idea of ever catching up on my blog. I fall behind and try to catch up and then life gets in the way every damn time and then I'm farther behind than before. Figures. So, instead of trying to catch up and posting stupid shit for days on end that was once funny or interesting or whatever, I'll just start fresh from this post on.
8) I've decided to start using old fashioned words. I like "spiffed" for "drunk", among other phrases and words that went out of style shortly after WWII.
9) I've decided to start hiding literary and movie references in all of my blog posts to see who, if anyone catches on to them. It was my pooka's suggestion, and I like it.
1) I've decided to become the 1950's wife/mother figure everyone in my house seems to believe I should be anyway. In doing so, I have chosen to increase my stress level, lower my standards, and go against all my natural inclinations. I'm sure this news will make Wendy very happy, since she has a strong theory on this type of topic.
2) I have also decided to swear. Now, this does not seem like a monumental decision, but since I do have children, it must have impact. Yes, I have chosen to swear. I rather like cussing. Not because it's immoral, forbidden, or impolite, but because I enjoy it. If I'm going to do #1, I might as well be able to get some things for myself. Besides, there are many occasions where a simple slang term will not suffice, and only a swear word will express truly the emotion of the moment...and (thanks, George Carlin!) you can't fool me, shoot is just shit with two o's.
3) I've decided to not decorate my house any more than it already is. This does not include holidays, because those are exceptions to most of my rules. But, my house is entirely too cluttered as it is, and adding more stuff for me to wash, dust, or worry about getting broken is simply not worth the time or money. Besides...
4) I've decided to continue to be as lazy as I can whenever possible. I hate housekeeping. Some chores are worse than others. I think everyone has certain chores they hate. Grasshopper hates washing silverware. So do I. We both hate mating socks. I'd rather clean a toilet after two months of non-cleaning when the toilet has been used by only men who never flush than to do wash dishes or dust. Also, (thanks Roseanne!) when Hoover invents a rider, that's when my house will get vacuumed regularly. With this decision comes the need to create shortcuts and cheats in all housework or other chores. Such as hiding dirty dishes in the oven right before my mother or a neighbor stops in for a quick visit.
5) I've also decided to research earwigs. I know they are some sort of insect. I believe my house is infested with them. Since I'm not sure exactly what they look like, I need to find pictures. I also need to figure out how to get rid of the little suckers. I'm certain one stung or bit my ass two nights ago in my own bed. If not an earwig, some sort of long critter with many legs resembling a centipede (mini sized) and equipped with two pincers did it. Whatever it was, there are several of its relatives living in my home and I have decided they need to die or leave. I prefer die.
6) I've decided that in my next life, I want to be a cat. I can sleep 16 hours a day, wait for people to provide food and water for me, seek out attention when and only when I desire it, and I never have to clean my own bathroom. Not to mention, no one would blink an eye when I took a shit in public and dug in the dirt to cover it up. I'd be able to do good deeds for my people, such as hunting down rodentia in the home and bringing them little treats like birds or snakes to show my appreciation for all they do to take care of me. The ability to purr is an added bonus.
7) I've decided to give up on the idea of ever catching up on my blog. I fall behind and try to catch up and then life gets in the way every damn time and then I'm farther behind than before. Figures. So, instead of trying to catch up and posting stupid shit for days on end that was once funny or interesting or whatever, I'll just start fresh from this post on.
8) I've decided to start using old fashioned words. I like "spiffed" for "drunk", among other phrases and words that went out of style shortly after WWII.
9) I've decided to start hiding literary and movie references in all of my blog posts to see who, if anyone catches on to them. It was my pooka's suggestion, and I like it.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Playing Catch-Up...Again!
Wedding Stories
King Rat & I remarried May 1st. It was an interesting day. To start off with, we had a houseful. Spanky came over to stand up with us. Rat's friends, Hobbitt and Sydny, and their son (and their homosexual dog) came down from MN. Fine. Crowded, but fine. I actually went to classes that day, taking Spanky and Sydny with me. That was entertainment. Then, home, off for a few errands, and back home to pick up the men folk. At this time, King Rat decides to dress up for the civil ceremony. I had thought I was already dressed, but instead of just t-shirts and jeans, he decided to wear jean shorts and a semi-dressy button down shirt. So of course, I had to change my shirt, do my hair and make-up. Then he tells me he can't find any socks so we can't get married.Grr. Off we go, in two vehicles to pick up kids from school so they can come watch us get hitched. Right. Big mistake. Once we met up, I was the only one who knew where the wedding was. Fine, except I got lost. We drove in circles for about half an hour before I remembered what the secretary had told me, which was to park in the parking ramp by the strip mall. Duh! I still haven't heard the end of that one.
In the office building, the elevator was so small, half of us walked up the steps to the office, while the rest braved the antique elevator. We all took the steps back down. Too much shaking. Then, sent the kids to the mall, while we adults hit the first open bar we saw. Three drinks each and then home. King Rat hadn't slept or eaten right, and since he is diabetic, became ill, so everyone went home. Still no honeymoon.
Being a Tourguide
Sydny, who has never been to our neck of Iowa, noticed the football stadium on one of our many trips into town. For those who don't know, it's Kinnick Stadium in Iowa City (go Hawks!) and they've been doing an huge remodeling job. It looks great and Sydny commented on how neat it looked. When we passed it the second or third time, I said (being a smart ass) "And on our right is the grand Kinnick Stadium. To our left, several of the homes that get trashed during home football games." Sydny started laughing. "Oh, it's Kinnick. I kept trying to figure out why someone would name a stadium Knick Knack!" That one was a hit at classes the rest of the week.
Okay. I'm done for now. I'll be posting more over the next few days to catch up. I hope.
King Rat & I remarried May 1st. It was an interesting day. To start off with, we had a houseful. Spanky came over to stand up with us. Rat's friends, Hobbitt and Sydny, and their son (and their homosexual dog) came down from MN. Fine. Crowded, but fine. I actually went to classes that day, taking Spanky and Sydny with me. That was entertainment. Then, home, off for a few errands, and back home to pick up the men folk. At this time, King Rat decides to dress up for the civil ceremony. I had thought I was already dressed, but instead of just t-shirts and jeans, he decided to wear jean shorts and a semi-dressy button down shirt. So of course, I had to change my shirt, do my hair and make-up. Then he tells me he can't find any socks so we can't get married.Grr. Off we go, in two vehicles to pick up kids from school so they can come watch us get hitched. Right. Big mistake. Once we met up, I was the only one who knew where the wedding was. Fine, except I got lost. We drove in circles for about half an hour before I remembered what the secretary had told me, which was to park in the parking ramp by the strip mall. Duh! I still haven't heard the end of that one.
In the office building, the elevator was so small, half of us walked up the steps to the office, while the rest braved the antique elevator. We all took the steps back down. Too much shaking. Then, sent the kids to the mall, while we adults hit the first open bar we saw. Three drinks each and then home. King Rat hadn't slept or eaten right, and since he is diabetic, became ill, so everyone went home. Still no honeymoon.
Being a Tourguide
Sydny, who has never been to our neck of Iowa, noticed the football stadium on one of our many trips into town. For those who don't know, it's Kinnick Stadium in Iowa City (go Hawks!) and they've been doing an huge remodeling job. It looks great and Sydny commented on how neat it looked. When we passed it the second or third time, I said (being a smart ass) "And on our right is the grand Kinnick Stadium. To our left, several of the homes that get trashed during home football games." Sydny started laughing. "Oh, it's Kinnick. I kept trying to figure out why someone would name a stadium Knick Knack!" That one was a hit at classes the rest of the week.
Okay. I'm done for now. I'll be posting more over the next few days to catch up. I hope.
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