Fetal Nicknames

Another fetal nickname has been born! I have decided, after reading her blog, that Queenie's baby is now dubbed Pillsbury. I'm not sure if I'm the first to say it or not, nor do I care. I will continue to call him(?) that until I'm threatened with bodily injury. Wendy & Batman have Sharkbait. Another friend, Spanky, nicknamed a different preggers friend's baby Little Sprout. Grasshopper and Twitch called theirs Bug. My oldest was Tater Tot. My middle one was Boochi. For those of you who remember Perfect Strangers, it came from the Boochi Tag game. Since I was preggers, I claimed to be carrying the Boochi. My cousin, Munchkin, told me that when the baby was born I'd better name it Dmitri. I did not, but she forgave me anyway. My youngest was always known as The Fairy Child. My middle child's teacher last year became preggo and they referred to the baby as Lumpy or Lump. Of course, there's always the stand-by of Spawn of Doom, right Batman? Sorry. Couldn't resist. No matter. Gotta love fetal nicknames. Hmm. I feel a book coming on.

Manic Spewing

The holidays are fast upon me, and every year, about this time, the Christmas spirit abandons me. Why? Too much wrapping and general shit. My goodness, there's so much commercial shit associated with the holidays, it makes me want to puke. Plus, packing to go to my mom's, doing the whole "Santa" thing, trying to figure out a way to avoid my swiftly approaching birthday, and so on and so on. The good news? Finals are over! Wendy is preggers. Queenie is preggers! My son's girlfriend is NOT preggers! I'm done shopping except for two damned giftcards. I am healthy. My family is healthy. I do not have to go to work again until next year. I get two weeks(almost) where the kids have school and I do not. I can read a book for pleasure again. I came up with a nickname for Wendy's baby -- Sharkbait! OOO Ha Ha! Well, just Sharkbait. Either way, it fits. You know, the whole tadpole thing? Plus, Batman used to want to swim with sharks or study sharks or some such. And people who swim with sharks tend to get eaten by sharks. Duh! Apparently, that has at least been delayed, so now the baby is "Sharkbait" (ooo haha). I'm also now required to grace the area with my presence over the summer since that's when the little bundle of joy will arrive. Fine by me. I can spoil the baby rotten, then get on a plane and leave. Yep. There are definite advantages to living so far away. Mmmhmmm. Yeah.

In other news, I decided in November to run my mouth via Letter to the Editor of the university's newspaper regarding some proposed changes to the Housing Assistance Program. It was printed as a Guest Opinion. The Housing Administrator (local) wrote to me about it. I now have a meeting with him right after Christmas. I sent a bunch of related items to Senators Grassley and Harkin and to Congressman Leach. Senator Grassley took an immense interest in it and wrote me back personally. I, if you cannot tell, am extremely pleased with myself. All things considered, not bad for a short, rotund, mouthy, (s0rt-of) redhead who won't even have a Bachelor's until May 2006. Yippee! Maybe it won't go anywhere, but maybe it will. For the record, no, I will not be entering the political arena any time soon. Or ever. Nope. Ever see what happened to Mussolini? JFK? Yeah. Exactly. Of course, Mussolini was insane and inhumane. I am not inhumane. The jury's still out on the insanity issue. Oh, and don't forget Clinton...Bill, not Hilary. We shot JFK and we impeached Clinton. For having an affair, basically. Hmm. And yet, no one seems to mind that Bush, Jr., has gotten so many killed with his lies. Of course, depending on the conspiracy theory one subscribes to, JFK was shot for much the same reason. Plus, it got poor Marilyn offed. Poor Marilyn.

Oh, and does anyone watch The Daily Show? It appears that South Africa allows gay marriages. Not civil unions, actual marriages. And the US considers ourselves a global leader? Hmph.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season. For anyone living in a warmer climate, make room, I'm heading South as soon as I rob the bank. I'm sick of Iowa frigidity and snow. Other than that, enjoy! Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! Happy New Year! Happy All-the-other Holidays that aren't as commercialized!

Everyone's Pregnant but Me! Yes!

Do you have any idea how hard it is to type and dance at the same time? It isn't easy, but I'm managing it. You see, I am extremely thrilled with Wendy's news! I'm more excited than she seems to be. Not that I blame her. See, until my hysterectomy, I was one of those women who didn't ovulate...I pollinated! Let me even think about having a baby, and POOF! Pregnant. Lucky me. Very, very lucky me. And while I recognize this and have sympathy for those who have so many terrible issues having a child, I'm beyond thrilled that Wendy is finally pregnant. And I'm not! I'm not, I'm not, I'm NOT! Impossible for me to be and I like it that way. So, let's see, Wendy's preggers, Queenie's preggers, I'm sure millions of other women are preggers, and I'm not! Yee-haw! Of course, Grasshopper is not preggers. Nor is my other friend Spanky. Spanky would like to be, though she is prefering to take the conventional route and wait for a husband. Grasshopper about crawls through the phone to strangle me if I even mention a pregnancy test and her name in the same sentence. (I do this as often as humanely possible because it's fun to hear her rant) Several of the girls I went to DMACC with are pregnant. And none of them are me! Which is fine, because no one could pay me enough to do it again. I love my children. I actually enjoyed being pregnant for the most part. I could have done without all the vomiting, but I made up for it in waaay easy deliveries. Deliveries were easy. Pain filled, but easy. No C-sections, no epidurals. With my first two, no drugs at all. My youngest was the only one and I wish I hadn't had anything. Talk about a weird trip! Whew. And despite my eldest's recent issues, my kids are pretty much healthy and intelligent. Once again, I thank the powers that be for that every day. However, between being so excited for Wendy's Christmas miracle and being so happy that all the pregnant women I know are not me, I can barely contain myself. This took me half an hour to write because I kept screwing up and having to fix errors. I'm not sure if it's from dancing and typing at the same time or simply because I can't dance. Which is another post altogether. At any rate, Congratulations Wendy & Batman! Auntie Frigid can't wait for the wee one! Oh, and Wendy, the tadpole look vanished about 4 weeks ago.

Manic Moment Narrowly Avoided

Next week is Finals Week! Hoooraaay! Under normal circumstances, the stress of finals, the holidays, my upcoming birthday (ish!), and the lovely Iowa weather combine to give me one major manic moment. There are benefits to this: a clean house, gift-wrapping sprees, great periods of study time where it actually sinks in. Things like that. The downside? Extreme crabbiness, a tendency to wake up with 15 minutes until the final, kids missing the school bus, waking up the house because I'm fighting with the vaccuum, the wrapping paper, the scotch tape, whatever. Well, for a change (so far), I have managed to avoid the Moment. How, you ask? Okay, I'll tell you my secret. First, you must have school-aged children. Then, one of these children must catch a cold. The cold should mutate into a sinus infection that said child gives your significant other. You must kiss or otherwise be intimate with said significant other. Wa-la! Within 24 hours, you get the sinus infection. Okay, not the best way to avoid a manic moment, but it's working. The meds and the infection are crashing my sinuses (sinusi?) every four hours, my right eye has a headache, and I about die every time I bend over to pick something up off my floor, but I'm sleeping and oh so NOT manic. I could feel one coming on, too. I started my usual cycle of nightmares late last week and my sleep time was shortening. Now, thanks to NyQuil and other OTC products, I'm sleeping a decent amount of time. Thanks to bribery and threats of bodily injury, my family is pitching in to save the house. Wrapping can wait until after finals. I am studying between naps and seem to be retaining the information. I've even managed to cook a few meals instead of using take-out or the microwave. This is working so well, I think I'll make notes and try it next time I feel one of my Moments coming on. Wonder if I can buy a sinus virus on ebay?