Noisy Apparel

I have never had clothes that made noise. At least not unless they were meant to. I've had shoes that squeaked on certain flooring. I even had a pair that squawked whenever I wore nylon socks. They squawked on the inside. I've had shirts that had some little sqeeker built into them for some joke or other, usually Halloween or maternity/motherhood shirts, but nothing else.

Apparently, I'm missing out. Grasshopper has a bra that squeaks. It's one of those miraculous underwires that don't poke you in the armpit all day long and actually feels comfortable. But it sometimes squeaks. Accdording to her, it will squeak whether she's wearing it or not. Not always, but occasionally. I asked her if she had a mouse in it. Since she is deathly afraid of all rodentia, I figured this was unlikely, but worth asking. She swears there is no mouse or other rodent in it. Huh. Weird. Of course, another friend of mine, swears she has a squeeky bra also, though I have not heard it.

Let's see. Another friend swears up and down that aside from the swooshing noise corduroys make, he has a pair of them (pants) that will kind of hiss at him whenever he sits on leather in them. I thought it was more likely the leather but he says it isn't. Plus, it will hiss if he sits on anything leather like. Including vinyl.

And my oldest son has one pair of pants with an exceptionally loud zipper. I'm not sure why it is louder than others, but it is. This I have heard myself. I mean, when I can hear this zipper in my living room downstairs when he's behind the closed bathroom door, it's loud. And it's not like it's some bizarrely huge zipper or made of some strange, noisy metal. It's an average looking zipper in a slightly odd pair of pants, called "tripps".

I don't get it. None of this. I just don't think it's normal for clothing to make unusual noises when it's obvious the items are not made to make noise. And I think I'm a bit jealous that all these people have unusually behaved clothing and I have the average, normally behaved clothing. I probably need help for this.