Pardon me, everyone, but just to get it out up front, I believe I'm headed into a manic moment. For those of you who know me, then you'll understand. For those that don't, excuse the mess below. You were warned.
I have a thing for bumper stickers. My first car was plastered with them. I don't do that much nowadays, but the urge is still there. I'm always on the lookout for new and interesting stickers. I saw just such a one the other day. It was in a shop called Spellbound in the Hall Mall here. It's this lavender/purple shade. It says, "Sorry I missed church. I was out practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian". I almost died. Made me think of several people I know. Wendy is one, though the lesbian part isn't true. I also saw one that said "I'm so gay, I don't even think straight". Also hilarious. I even bought one that is more like a window sticky -- clear with white writing. It has a picture of a broom on it and says "My other car is" directly above that. I made it a special point yesterday to wash all my windows and get that puppy on there. I'm hoping to be burned at the stake when they bring that old favorite back. I think it would lend itself nicely to my personal history. Might as well start advertising now.
I also have a thing for weird thoughts. Everyone has seen those emails about why do they call it a driveway when it's used for parking? Yeah. Things like that can keep me entertained for hours. My most recent obsession is pet food. Yup. Cat and dog food mainly. For starters, there's all this advertising about how good it tastes. Okay. I want to know who signs up for that job? I mean really, the smell of some dog foods can make me gag for hours, I can't imagine having the job of dog food taste tester. Same for cat food. Of course, I'm not that fond of fish and milk, either so that would let me out of the running right away. Which reminds me. I read in some old email long ago about why isn't there mouse flavored cat food? I demand to know! Or rat? How about Filet O'Field Mouse? Rat Rinds? Robin Ribs? Cuckoo Cutlets? Sparrow Souffle? Bunny Biscuits for a special reward? Same for dogs. I know my dog would love a Bunny Biscuit. Probably more than one dog would like Feline Filets. Or, Garbage Stew? I'm serious. And as much as dogs love the smell of rotten, what about Roadkill Riblets in Gravy? I think the pet food taste testers would demand an increase in salary, but other than that, why aren't these things out there? I think it's completely unfair and an untapped market.
Last item on the agenda is drunken houseguests. I had an especially annoying one this weekend. I know he has a drinking problem, but it isn't my place to babysit him, and he does fine if he only has a few beers. Which is what it started at. Then he found my rum. He laid on my couch, talking to no one for almost three hours. He'd yell at people I've never heard of. When he started to sound agitated, I rescued my son from the downstairs bedroom and found all the booze in the house and hid it in my room. Which pissed Monkeyboy off, apparently, because I could hear him searching through the cupboards for it and 'talking' to someone about leading him to it if they found it. When he finally shut up enough for me to fall asleep, it was almost four a.m. Since my kids had me up at 9:30, I made sure he was up and moving by 10. And I kept him awake all day long. I even drug him out into the glaring sunlight to go see the sights over here, so he wouldn't fall asleep. He was not happy with me. Awww! I look at it like this, his drinking is his problem. In my house, I won't stop anyone unless there is something drastic going on, but also in my house, if you drink while my kids are around, you must be willing to put up with them when they wake up in the mornings. Is that rude? Good.
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